Friends

I was reading some random column the other day where someone had decided to have a child fathered by her best friend. This concept dwelled around in my mind for a few days. And I realised I have a great respect for the people involved in that idea. It just seemed like such a more grown up idea that what is fastly becoming the standard relationship method of the 21st century of finding a boyfriend marrying him, having children, see his affections be diverted towards his 18 year old secretary, go through messy divorce that results in children eventually going through the whole same affair when it becomes their turn.

 

Back in days of olde, life was considerably easier. The woman you married became your property to do with as you wished. There was little need for divorce because society put her place as subservient to her husband. In time women were slowly given the rights that they now have. In the earlier parts of the last century the gender gap had significantly closed but the male of the household was still the major bread winner and society still put the woman’s place in the home making bread and babies. A single working woman in that age was something odd someone who didn’t fit. The result of this is that within a few generations there has been a complete sea change in the social structure of human interaction. This has upset the balance that has been the human way for millions of years. This change has happened reasonably over night and I don’t think that society has yet managed to catch up.

 

it is reasonably commonplace now for a woman to put her career above the option of getting married and raising a family. When a woman chooses to make that choice it is not frowned upon it is merely accepted as her choice.

 

And choice has become the keyword of the 21st century, whether it be how our food is grown to which hospital we choose to have open heart surgery performed. Everything we do can be chosen to fit our lives perfectly. Compromise within the consumer society is a very dirty word if it isn’t perfect we throw it away.

 

Yet when it comes to matters of the heart, when it comes to chosing the person who will be our partner in bringing a child into the world compromise is expected. If you find yourself with a partner who is crap in bed, compromise. A partner with a roving eye, compromise. A partner who gets drunk and gets a bit handy, compromise.

 

Last year I spent two months looking for an apartment to rent, I knew I would only be in the place for twelve months at most. Others in the same position took the first place they saw. I stayed in hotels for two months because I didn’t like what I found. Two months of missing dinners so I could go and look at yet another matchbox overlooking a car park. Eventually I found the place I wanted and was there for just 8 months. For me it was worth the wait because when I sat at work I looked forward to going to my apartment because I enjoyed being there. It wasn’t just a box to put my goods and chattels in during weekdays while I was away from my proper home.

 

So I now find myself looking for a woman to share my life with. You really think I’m going to compromise on that? I’m accused of nit picking, of being fussy. so you take three hours in the bathroom every time we go out, right now I’ll think that’s cute in five years time I’ll divorce you for it. I just want to do a little forward thinking. So hell yes I nit pick and I’m fussy.

 

Now I’m not saying I’m looking for a completely flawless woman, I’m not flawless I doubt she will be. I just know myself well enough to have a good idea of what sort of things will always remain cute and which will end with a Decree Absolute. So you watch TV in bed, I may complain about not being able to sleep but when you’re not there I may just put it on because it reminds me of how cute you are.

 

I don’t know how relationships will change in this brave new world of ours but I am pretty confident that they will. I know I would rather the new world of being single and looking for my slice of perfection than the old world of being married and having to put up with compromise. I’m looking for my happiness and nit picking makes me happy.

 

So when I’m looking to father a child again, perhaps next time I will give my best friend a call ‘cause I know she doesn’t spend three hours in the bathroom, and even if she did I’d never have to experience it let alone divorce her over it.