Time

I think one of my biggest problems with finding somebody to have a real relationship with is that I am looking for somebody that I believe is beautiful. I don’t just mean physical beauty – although that is a large part of it – I am talking about finding someone that I find beautiful to be in the presence of. Somebody whose beauty I can read in her words, hear in her voice, feel in her spirit. I want that because I want her to know how the power she has touches me and how it affects her life. I have slowly begun to realise that I have no right sharing a bed with a woman that I do not believe to be beautiful and if I don’t have that right then I am being unfaithful to myself by sharing my life with that person.

 

I have long been accused of having too much faith in people of being too trusting to quickly. I am an easy one to take advantage of. For quite a while I was concerned about this because it appeared to be something I couldn’t change I would often find myself trusting someone about something all the time my mind would be telling me that I was about to get shit on from a great height and most of the time I was right too. Then I realised that I didn’t trust people for their benefit I do it because it makes me feel good to do so. I gain from the trust I give to people. I think I do it because it is an amazing feeling when that trust is returned it is good to prove my mind wrong occasionally. Naturally there is nobody that deserves more trust than a woman that I would share my time with. It would not be a trust to be earned, it would not be a trust that would need to develop it would be offered implicitly from the start. My theory goes that knowing that I see her beauty will make her feel good being with me. Knowing that I trust her will allow the confidence for that to grow.

 

Imagine for a moment going into the future twenty years and having a conversation with yourself where you discover that you are absolutely and completely in love with someone now this could bring some concern, what if you now fail to find him because of your new found knowledge? What if when you first meet him you hate him? You share these concerns with your future self and are told that it doesn’t matter that there is nothing you can do to jeopardise meeting this person. Can you imagine how that would influence your relationships with people? You would no longer have a need to pretend to be something different, you could approach relationships with a completely clear conscience. You could give yourself over to instinct completely because you would know that if something you said or did met with disapproval then the person who disapproved was not the one you were looking for anyway. Well I have never managed time travel but I do know that I will meet the woman I am searching for. The only thing I know about her is that we will share the power of the feelings that attract us. My attitude here does quite often scare people away but I am actually quite glad of that fact because it clears the path to continue the search. I allow my instincts to rule how I interact in all such encounters. It is those very instincts that are sharing these facts with you now.

People ask me what I will do if I am wrong, and I get to my deathbed and find that she didn’t turn up. To that my answer is simply that I enjoyed the search the search has brought me into contact with people that have touched my soul in a way that brings me to tears. The memories I have collected over the last two short years are more than worth the risk of not finding her